Will You Choose Fear or Faith?

Sleep did not come easy for me last night. I kept thinking about how different this morning would be from what it almost was. Today would have been my kids' first day back to school, my baby girl's first day of kindergarten! Today would have been my first day back at a full time job for the first time in twelve years! As I lay there, I couldn't help but remember how many times I've heard people say, "God has a sense of humor". I have to agree with them!

Ten years ago this month I was starting nursing school. I had my future....my  family's future, all planned out. I would become a nurse, work part-time while my babies were little, and then as soon as my youngest went off to kindergarten, I would finally rejoin the workforce! I would interact with adults on a daily basis, and finally have a steady paycheck!  My hopes were to be a school nurse at their school, where I could easily drop them off and pick them up each day. I would be close by and easily involved in school activities.  I would have teacher's hours, and summers off, but without all the lesson planning and classroom preparation. It was perfect! Yep, my plan was perfect....except for one thing,  it wasn't HIS plan.

Fast forward ten years. Here I am at my computer, a home-school mom, coffee in hand, taking a break from my lesson planning and classroom preparation to write this blog. Trust me, the irony is not lost on me :) As I lay there last night, I realized just how much the Lord blesses his children for being obedient.  For having complete faith, for not questioning, and reasoning and worrying about what people will think. And I had to wonder how many times I've missed out on blessings because I let "my ways" get in the way of His.  God called me to do something completely different than I had planned. He called me to something that I never would have dreamed I would or even could do! It was different, far from the normal, completely out of my comfort zone, and quite honestly the scariest decision Jeremy and I have made as parents! The good news is, no matter how scary something may seem, when you know the Lord is in the midst of it, it's only a matter of time before the fear of the unknown fades and it's replaced with peace, contentment, boldness, and reassurance! It doesn't have to be homeschooling, you may be facing any number of decisions in your life. Just know that if God is tugging at your heart and asking something of you, he will be there every step of the way!  Don't let fear rob you of what could be your greatest blessing! 

 For my thoughts are not your thoughts, neither are your ways my ways, saith the Lord. Isaiah 55:8

Time Marches On..... in a Bottle

I hate waking up to a messy kitchen. I mean, I really hate it. It puts me behind schedule for the rest of the day. I can vaguely remember a time when I never, ever went to bed until my kitchen was spotless and pristine. I think that was..... two kids ago. This morning I woke up to a "surely a tornado came through last night" kitchen. Complete with a sink full of disgustingly dirty dishes, griddle still on the counter from yesterdays pancakes, and cracker crumbs on the floor.
They say life is about choices, and last night I made the choice to have movie night with my five year old instead of slave over my kitchen for an hour. We made popcorn (that's an entirely different mess, still on my living room table), we put on our favorite pajamas, and curled up on the couch and stayed up way past her bedtime.

I missed the first few minutes of the movie. I just couldn't quit staring at this precious little person cuddled up next to me. Those big blue eyes, and that sweet little voice. And then my heart sank. I realized just how fast these past five years had flown by. I realized that before I know it this precious little person will likely be taller than me.  My oldest will be eleven in just under two months. That's two short years away from a teenager. Five short years away from driving. Seven short years away from him going off to college. Yes, I got a little emotional.
If only I could bottle up that feeling of time running out and put it in a pretty antique bottle with a lid. I would set it on the counter in my messy kitchen, where I spend most of my time. And when that precious five year old isn't being so precious, but instead starting to throw a tantrum, I could unscrew the lid and let a little bit of that feeling rush over me. I bet then, losing my patience wouldn't even be an option.

Ideally, I guess I should have a couple of bottles. This way I could also set one upstairs on the bookshelf between the kids bedrooms. Then when my boys decide that they would rather stay up talking and giggling instead of actually going to sleep, I could grab it on my way in their room. Surely it would help me remember that, this too shall pass. One day, all to soon, I'm sure they'll decide they want their own rooms, and that cuddling up next to one another just isn't cool anymore.

Maybe I could find a neat bottle to put in our classroom, or a jar, or maybe even a five gallon bucket with a lid! You see, this is where I need the most patience and the biggest reminder of how quickly these years will pass.

This way, when my seven year old tries to once again divert attention from his math lesson by asking impossible questions about fictional things, I won't become frustrated. Instead I could simply take off the lid, and stick my whole head in the bucket. Then I could come up thankful for how blessed I am to have such a creative, funny little guy. Surely then I would be reminded to use his wonderful imagination as a teaching tool, instead of looking at it as a time waster.

For all of you moms like myself who at times feel frustrated with the everyday battles of raising children.... one day we'll look up and realize it's been years since we've witnessed a tantrum. They won't need our constant reminders to blow their noses or wash their hands. One day the complaints of how "gross" the meal we just spent hours preparing is, will stop. The muddy footprints across the floor..... only a memory. And the frustration we feel trying to get them to clean their room...... it will be replaced with missing the precious five year old that once occupied that messy room.

I know there's no way to put feelings in a pretty bottle, but I'm going to take a lesson from my seven year old and try really hard to imagine there is. I will choose to be joyful in all things concerning raising these little people, and pray that I am constantly aware of just how fast this precious time will pass!

Why We Don't Celebrate Halloween

I remember as a kid looking forward to Halloween every year. I loved dressing up in fun costumes, and coming home after a long night of trick-or-treating to dump my bag of treats and see what I had accumulated. My big brother and I would even count every single piece to see who got the most. Yes, we were that competitive:)  I never thought about why we celebrated Halloween. I never wondered about its origin or history.  I just knew it was fun, and a great way to get candy.

Jeremy celebrated Halloween as a child too, so after we had our first son, Owen, we were excited to carry on the tradition and pick out a costume for him.  He was only 6 months old, and hadn't even gotten his first tooth, but nonetheless we dressed him up as the cutest clown you've ever seen, and took him to get candy from our parents.  We loved showing him off and getting pictures of him in his adorable costume.

The next year, I really started questioning the reason for celebrating Halloween. I knew it was a pagan holiday, and realized that there was a dark side, but felt that since we didn't dress our child up in scary costumes that it was just innocent fun.  Each year though, I felt more convicted in my spirit about having any part of it.  And yet, year after year I talked myself out of those convictions by focusing on what the world said was acceptable.

Finally, when Owen was six years old, Jeremy and I made the decision not to celebrate Halloween anymore. While researching it I realized that the origin and history goes directly against the word of God, and what we teach our children every day. 

Halloween promotes fear, darkness, and evil.  I know that most parents don’t promote this side of Halloween, but it’s still very much there. This is a day that witches and Satanist look forward to all year.  I remember reading an article where a former Witch talked about how she couldn't believe Christians let their children participate in such a dark holiday. That says a lot.  God’s word calls us to be set apart and to be a light unto darkness.  Paul said that Christians should "have no fellowship with the unfruitful works of darkness, but rather reprove them." (Ephesians 5:11) He also wrote in 1 Thessalonians 5:22 that we are to "Abstain from all appearance of evil."  

Ephesians 6:12 says “For we wrestle not against flesh and blood, but against principalities, against powers, against the rulers of the darkness of this world, against spiritual wickedness in high places.” I don’t want my children to be out on a night where spiritual warfare is no doubt at its strongest.  

My kids still enjoy dressing up throughout the year as their favorite characters. My seven year old is dressed like Spider-man more times than not here lately, and my daughter is a different Disney princess every time I turn around. They can get candy anytime. But on October 31^st, I want them at home where we can together as a family pray against the very principalities and darkness that we're warned about in Ephesians.

Temporary Home

I found myself feeling very out of place tonight. I was driving home alone (a rarity, as I usually have my three very talkative kiddos in the back) and I found myself with a heavy heart. I felt so alone in this world. And by alone, I guess I also mean different. Here I am living this life that if you had told me ten years ago, I would be living..... I would have surely laughed.

For starters, it's nothing like what I had planned. My career choice had a lot to do with my children. I went to nursing school because I love to take care of people, but also because I knew it would provide an opportunity to work PRN shifts that would let me spend more time with my kids. My goal was to get a job as a school nurse at the kids school when my youngest started kindergarten. Fast forward seven years and I'm confronted with knowing that I'm being called to home school. Excuse me God? Come again? Surely I heard you wrong? I was suppose to get a break when Ava started kindergarten. I was suppose to finally start getting a substantial  paycheck. But you see, his ways are not our ways. Two years in, and I've found that I wouldn't trade teaching my children for anything.

So here I am, driving home feeling alone and different. I start to second guess myself and honestly think something must be wrong with me, because I actually enjoy doing all the things that society says are old fashioned and unnecessary. I can admit to being old fashioned. I might just be the only 32 year old that listens to southern gospel music on a daily basis :) I don't keep up with Hollywood, or the latest trends. My role models are the women in my life who are wise enough to put Christ first in all they do. I still get excited everyday around 5:00 because I know my husband will be walking through the door any minute. And yes, I actually enjoy cooking, cleaning, decorating, and making our house a home. 

I pulled in our driveway still feeling alone and out of place. Then the Lord reminded me of just how narrow his path is. It will feel lonely at times, but his word promises that he will never leave or forsake us. And it's only natural for us to feel out of place on this earth, because after all it's just our temporary home. 

Wake Up America!

“But about that day or hour no one knows, not even the angels in heaven, nor the Son, but only the Father. Matthew 24:36

Today has been one of those days when I look around and I want to scream, “Wake up America!”  And then I feel frustrated, and overwhelmed because I know that it wouldn't matter. If I screamed the entire gospel of Jesus Christ, the majority of people would just call me crazy. Old fashioned because I still believe in holiness, close-minded because I believe every word of the bible, judgmental because I stand for what Jesus stands for and against what he stands against, insane because I believe in and put all of my trust in someone that I haven’t physically seen with my own two eyes.

And still even with this realization, here I go, “Wake up America!”  We’re not promised tomorrow. Tonight could be the last night you have to get your life right with your maker. We were put on this earth for a reason, not just to live a life pleasing to ourselves.  It’s not about “us” and until we realize that, we’ll never have a fulfilled life, or make heaven our eternal home.

End time prophecies are being fulfilled….our nation is in trouble. Babies are being murdered, sin is being promoted and praised, holiness is being mocked, television and Hollywood have become our idols. We go to church because it looks good. We talk about Jesus when it fits, but deny his power when it really matters. We care more about the cars we drive and the clothes we wear than the lost soul living down the road, or our own soul for that matter.  We get so excited about every new fad that comes our way that we’ll talk to a complete stranger about it, but we turn up our noses when those radical “Jesus lovers” want to talk about how excited they are about HIM. We put so much time and effort into making our flesh look good, but we just don’t have time to read our bibles or pray?  We spend money we don’t have to impress people who are also most likely spending money they don’t have, so that we can spend our lives working to pay it all off.  And the whole time our children are witnessing it all, learning it, sure to grow up and repeat it, because that’s what they know.  Another generation further away from the peace, joy and freedom that Christ brings.

And to think just some two hundred years ago this great nation was founded on Christian values and principles….. It’s time to wake up. “For he said, I have heard you in a time accepted, and in the day of salvation have I succored you: behold, now is the accepted time; behold, now is the day of salvation.”  2 Corinthians 6:2

Reflecting on a Decade

I’ll never forget the feelings of nervousness and disbelief I felt on May 1st 2003. I had given birth to our first son just two days before on April 29th. And now, our nurse was giving us discharge instructions and preparing to send us home. Her instrucions included care for me, follow up appointments, umbilical care, and several other things that would be helpful over the next couple of weeks, but then what? What about the next five, ten, fifteen years? When she cut our hospital bracelets off and sent us on our way, I remember thinking, and even saying to Jeremy, “They’re just going to let us go? Shouldn’t we get a how-to manual or something?” After all, I’d received more information and pamphlets with our new camera, than I did with this precious human life entrusted to us forever.


Owen Griffin at 4 days old.

That day must have been when my worry wart ways and over protectiveness kicked in as I sat in the backseat of our car with Owen, watching his every breath as he slept, and repeating over and over to Jeremy, “Can you believe he’s ours?”
After five days of being settled at home, I can remember so clearly looking at Owen, and feeling an overwhelming amount of sadness in realizing he was already a week old. Then it dawned on me that as quickly as a week had passed, so would a month and a year, and then five years and ten.

And it did…. last month Owen turned ten. Over the past decade, there have been many times I wish I had that how-to manual. I’m sure it would be tattered and torn by now. With highlighter in many sections including how to calm an infant who hates being strapped in a carseat. He would scream the entire car ride. The corners would be turned down on the pages explaining how to get your six month old nursing baby to take a bottle.  I never did figure that one out.

Owen's 10th Birthday

This morning Owen woke up and headed outside to let the chickens out of their coop like he does so willingly every morning. Then he came inside and asked if he could make his brother and sister chocolate chip muffins all by himself. I watched him pour the batter and the milk. Then I watched him help his little sister put foil liners in the muffin tin. When the muffins were ready, the kids sat down to eat, Owen reminded Ava that it was her turn to ask the blessing over the food, and I lost it. Yes, it hit me just like that. Even without a manual, that little newborn has grown into such an independent, caring, and helpful little guy. I stood there in tears thanking God for blessing us with Owen, and praying blessings over his next ten years…
Lo, children are a heritage of the LORD: and the fruit of the womb is his reward.  Psalm 127:3

Love Conquers All

I have to admit, these last few weeks I’ve felt discouraged, saddened, and frustrated. It seems like every time I turn around I hear about another couple separating or getting divorced. When I hear something like this, my heart literally aches. My mind wonders if anyone takes their marriage vows seriously anymore. Do couples realize what they’re actually saying when the words, “For better or for worse” come across their lips? Or is it just part of the script, words repeated out of tradition, with no real meaning behind them?

Twelve years ago, I said those words. I don’t think at the time I realized the magnitude of what I was saying. I just knew that I was in love, and naively thought that I would have a near perfect marriage, because God had given me what I felt was a near perfect man. A Christian man who loved me unconditionally. I was nineteen on our wedding day, and looking back, I realize just how immature I was concerning marriage. Are you ready for this? When I would hear someone say, “Marriage isn’t easy, it takes work.” I honestly remember thinking, “Not our marriage. We don’t have to work at it, because we love each other so much.”

Thankfully, I’ve come to realize just what those people meant by “working at a marriage.” I’ve learned so much over the last twelve years. I’ve learned the importance of realizing and admitting when I’m wrong, and the importance of letting the little things go. I’ve learned that God gives me strength when my husband is weak, and vice versa, and the importance of lifting each other up in these times. I’ve realized that for a marriage to work and be all that it’s meant to be, it has to be rooted in Christ. Most importantly, I’ve realized that on July 15, 2000, I didn’t just get a new last name, and permission to live with my best friend. I made a promise before God. I became one with this man who I pledged to love unconditionally. I promised to stand by his side no matter what may come our way. It hasn’t always been easy, but the payoff of sticking it out and working through the tough times far outweighs the tough times themselves.

When we experience a trial or hard time in other areas of our lives; we acknowledge that in the end it will make us a stronger person. We take comfort in knowing that if we’ll just endure and have faith we’ll come out stronger on the other side. But when our marriage comes up against a hard time, we’re so quick to give up, or take the so called “easy way out”. Does God not call us to love others as Christ loves us? (John 13:34) He loved us so much that he suffered and died in an agonizing and humiliating way. This scripture speaks volumes to just how much we are to love others, especially our spouses! It’s easy to place blame on our spouse, and feel that we don’t deserve whatever it is we’re going through. But you see it’s not about what we deserve or don’t deserve. It’s not about who’s right and who’s wrong. It’s not about keeping score, or who has been worse. It’s about honoring our vows. It’s about loving our spouse when they’re unlovable. Why? Because we made a vow we would. It’s about making a decision to show love even when we don’t “feel” like it. Love is a choice.

The bible tells us that through marriage,a husband and wife become one flesh. (Mark 10:8) This isn’t just a physical thing made evident by a marriage license. It’s a spiritual joining by God, and no attorney or bill of divorcement can undo that. Today, couples give up on their marriages too soon. They don’t make every effort to save it. I know that God can restore even the most hopeless and broken marriages.

My hope and prayer is that someone considering divorce will read this blog, and have a change of heart. I pray they’ll realize that there is absolutely no truth to divorce being the easy way out. I hope they’ll seek God and give him complete and total control over their heart, spouse, and marriage. I hope they’ll learn to love their spouse unconditionally, and that their marriage comes out on the other side stronger and better than ever!