Will You Choose Fear or Faith?

Sleep did not come easy for me last night. I kept thinking about how different this morning would be from what it almost was. Today would have been my kids' first day back to school, my baby girl's first day of kindergarten! Today would have been my first day back at a full time job for the first time in twelve years! As I lay there, I couldn't help but remember how many times I've heard people say, "God has a sense of humor". I have to agree with them!

Ten years ago this month I was starting nursing school. I had my future....my  family's future, all planned out. I would become a nurse, work part-time while my babies were little, and then as soon as my youngest went off to kindergarten, I would finally rejoin the workforce! I would interact with adults on a daily basis, and finally have a steady paycheck!  My hopes were to be a school nurse at their school, where I could easily drop them off and pick them up each day. I would be close by and easily involved in school activities.  I would have teacher's hours, and summers off, but without all the lesson planning and classroom preparation. It was perfect! Yep, my plan was perfect....except for one thing,  it wasn't HIS plan.

Fast forward ten years. Here I am at my computer, a home-school mom, coffee in hand, taking a break from my lesson planning and classroom preparation to write this blog. Trust me, the irony is not lost on me :) As I lay there last night, I realized just how much the Lord blesses his children for being obedient.  For having complete faith, for not questioning, and reasoning and worrying about what people will think. And I had to wonder how many times I've missed out on blessings because I let "my ways" get in the way of His.  God called me to do something completely different than I had planned. He called me to something that I never would have dreamed I would or even could do! It was different, far from the normal, completely out of my comfort zone, and quite honestly the scariest decision Jeremy and I have made as parents! The good news is, no matter how scary something may seem, when you know the Lord is in the midst of it, it's only a matter of time before the fear of the unknown fades and it's replaced with peace, contentment, boldness, and reassurance! It doesn't have to be homeschooling, you may be facing any number of decisions in your life. Just know that if God is tugging at your heart and asking something of you, he will be there every step of the way!  Don't let fear rob you of what could be your greatest blessing! 

 For my thoughts are not your thoughts, neither are your ways my ways, saith the Lord. Isaiah 55:8

Time Marches On..... in a Bottle

I hate waking up to a messy kitchen. I mean, I really hate it. It puts me behind schedule for the rest of the day. I can vaguely remember a time when I never, ever went to bed until my kitchen was spotless and pristine. I think that was..... two kids ago. This morning I woke up to a "surely a tornado came through last night" kitchen. Complete with a sink full of disgustingly dirty dishes, griddle still on the counter from yesterdays pancakes, and cracker crumbs on the floor.
They say life is about choices, and last night I made the choice to have movie night with my five year old instead of slave over my kitchen for an hour. We made popcorn (that's an entirely different mess, still on my living room table), we put on our favorite pajamas, and curled up on the couch and stayed up way past her bedtime.

I missed the first few minutes of the movie. I just couldn't quit staring at this precious little person cuddled up next to me. Those big blue eyes, and that sweet little voice. And then my heart sank. I realized just how fast these past five years had flown by. I realized that before I know it this precious little person will likely be taller than me.  My oldest will be eleven in just under two months. That's two short years away from a teenager. Five short years away from driving. Seven short years away from him going off to college. Yes, I got a little emotional.
If only I could bottle up that feeling of time running out and put it in a pretty antique bottle with a lid. I would set it on the counter in my messy kitchen, where I spend most of my time. And when that precious five year old isn't being so precious, but instead starting to throw a tantrum, I could unscrew the lid and let a little bit of that feeling rush over me. I bet then, losing my patience wouldn't even be an option.

Ideally, I guess I should have a couple of bottles. This way I could also set one upstairs on the bookshelf between the kids bedrooms. Then when my boys decide that they would rather stay up talking and giggling instead of actually going to sleep, I could grab it on my way in their room. Surely it would help me remember that, this too shall pass. One day, all to soon, I'm sure they'll decide they want their own rooms, and that cuddling up next to one another just isn't cool anymore.

Maybe I could find a neat bottle to put in our classroom, or a jar, or maybe even a five gallon bucket with a lid! You see, this is where I need the most patience and the biggest reminder of how quickly these years will pass.

This way, when my seven year old tries to once again divert attention from his math lesson by asking impossible questions about fictional things, I won't become frustrated. Instead I could simply take off the lid, and stick my whole head in the bucket. Then I could come up thankful for how blessed I am to have such a creative, funny little guy. Surely then I would be reminded to use his wonderful imagination as a teaching tool, instead of looking at it as a time waster.

For all of you moms like myself who at times feel frustrated with the everyday battles of raising children.... one day we'll look up and realize it's been years since we've witnessed a tantrum. They won't need our constant reminders to blow their noses or wash their hands. One day the complaints of how "gross" the meal we just spent hours preparing is, will stop. The muddy footprints across the floor..... only a memory. And the frustration we feel trying to get them to clean their room...... it will be replaced with missing the precious five year old that once occupied that messy room.

I know there's no way to put feelings in a pretty bottle, but I'm going to take a lesson from my seven year old and try really hard to imagine there is. I will choose to be joyful in all things concerning raising these little people, and pray that I am constantly aware of just how fast this precious time will pass!

Why We Don't Celebrate Halloween

I remember as a kid looking forward to Halloween every year. I loved dressing up in fun costumes, and coming home after a long night of trick-or-treating to dump my bag of treats and see what I had accumulated. My big brother and I would even count every single piece to see who got the most. Yes, we were that competitive:)  I never thought about why we celebrated Halloween. I never wondered about its origin or history.  I just knew it was fun, and a great way to get candy.

Jeremy celebrated Halloween as a child too, so after we had our first son, Owen, we were excited to carry on the tradition and pick out a costume for him.  He was only 6 months old, and hadn't even gotten his first tooth, but nonetheless we dressed him up as the cutest clown you've ever seen, and took him to get candy from our parents.  We loved showing him off and getting pictures of him in his adorable costume.

The next year, I really started questioning the reason for celebrating Halloween. I knew it was a pagan holiday, and realized that there was a dark side, but felt that since we didn't dress our child up in scary costumes that it was just innocent fun.  Each year though, I felt more convicted in my spirit about having any part of it.  And yet, year after year I talked myself out of those convictions by focusing on what the world said was acceptable.

Finally, when Owen was six years old, Jeremy and I made the decision not to celebrate Halloween anymore. While researching it I realized that the origin and history goes directly against the word of God, and what we teach our children every day. 

Halloween promotes fear, darkness, and evil.  I know that most parents don’t promote this side of Halloween, but it’s still very much there. This is a day that witches and Satanist look forward to all year.  I remember reading an article where a former Witch talked about how she couldn't believe Christians let their children participate in such a dark holiday. That says a lot.  God’s word calls us to be set apart and to be a light unto darkness.  Paul said that Christians should "have no fellowship with the unfruitful works of darkness, but rather reprove them." (Ephesians 5:11) He also wrote in 1 Thessalonians 5:22 that we are to "Abstain from all appearance of evil."  

Ephesians 6:12 says “For we wrestle not against flesh and blood, but against principalities, against powers, against the rulers of the darkness of this world, against spiritual wickedness in high places.” I don’t want my children to be out on a night where spiritual warfare is no doubt at its strongest.  

My kids still enjoy dressing up throughout the year as their favorite characters. My seven year old is dressed like Spider-man more times than not here lately, and my daughter is a different Disney princess every time I turn around. They can get candy anytime. But on October 31^st, I want them at home where we can together as a family pray against the very principalities and darkness that we're warned about in Ephesians.

Temporary Home

I found myself feeling very out of place tonight. I was driving home alone (a rarity, as I usually have my three very talkative kiddos in the back) and I found myself with a heavy heart. I felt so alone in this world. And by alone, I guess I also mean different. Here I am living this life that if you had told me ten years ago, I would be living..... I would have surely laughed.

For starters, it's nothing like what I had planned. My career choice had a lot to do with my children. I went to nursing school because I love to take care of people, but also because I knew it would provide an opportunity to work PRN shifts that would let me spend more time with my kids. My goal was to get a job as a school nurse at the kids school when my youngest started kindergarten. Fast forward seven years and I'm confronted with knowing that I'm being called to home school. Excuse me God? Come again? Surely I heard you wrong? I was suppose to get a break when Ava started kindergarten. I was suppose to finally start getting a substantial  paycheck. But you see, his ways are not our ways. Two years in, and I've found that I wouldn't trade teaching my children for anything.

So here I am, driving home feeling alone and different. I start to second guess myself and honestly think something must be wrong with me, because I actually enjoy doing all the things that society says are old fashioned and unnecessary. I can admit to being old fashioned. I might just be the only 32 year old that listens to southern gospel music on a daily basis :) I don't keep up with Hollywood, or the latest trends. My role models are the women in my life who are wise enough to put Christ first in all they do. I still get excited everyday around 5:00 because I know my husband will be walking through the door any minute. And yes, I actually enjoy cooking, cleaning, decorating, and making our house a home. 

I pulled in our driveway still feeling alone and out of place. Then the Lord reminded me of just how narrow his path is. It will feel lonely at times, but his word promises that he will never leave or forsake us. And it's only natural for us to feel out of place on this earth, because after all it's just our temporary home. 

Wake Up America!

“But about that day or hour no one knows, not even the angels in heaven, nor the Son, but only the Father. Matthew 24:36

Today has been one of those days when I look around and I want to scream, “Wake up America!”  And then I feel frustrated, and overwhelmed because I know that it wouldn't matter. If I screamed the entire gospel of Jesus Christ, the majority of people would just call me crazy. Old fashioned because I still believe in holiness, close-minded because I believe every word of the bible, judgmental because I stand for what Jesus stands for and against what he stands against, insane because I believe in and put all of my trust in someone that I haven’t physically seen with my own two eyes.

And still even with this realization, here I go, “Wake up America!”  We’re not promised tomorrow. Tonight could be the last night you have to get your life right with your maker. We were put on this earth for a reason, not just to live a life pleasing to ourselves.  It’s not about “us” and until we realize that, we’ll never have a fulfilled life, or make heaven our eternal home.

End time prophecies are being fulfilled….our nation is in trouble. Babies are being murdered, sin is being promoted and praised, holiness is being mocked, television and Hollywood have become our idols. We go to church because it looks good. We talk about Jesus when it fits, but deny his power when it really matters. We care more about the cars we drive and the clothes we wear than the lost soul living down the road, or our own soul for that matter.  We get so excited about every new fad that comes our way that we’ll talk to a complete stranger about it, but we turn up our noses when those radical “Jesus lovers” want to talk about how excited they are about HIM. We put so much time and effort into making our flesh look good, but we just don’t have time to read our bibles or pray?  We spend money we don’t have to impress people who are also most likely spending money they don’t have, so that we can spend our lives working to pay it all off.  And the whole time our children are witnessing it all, learning it, sure to grow up and repeat it, because that’s what they know.  Another generation further away from the peace, joy and freedom that Christ brings.

And to think just some two hundred years ago this great nation was founded on Christian values and principles….. It’s time to wake up. “For he said, I have heard you in a time accepted, and in the day of salvation have I succored you: behold, now is the accepted time; behold, now is the day of salvation.”  2 Corinthians 6:2

Reflecting on a Decade

I’ll never forget the feelings of nervousness and disbelief I felt on May 1st 2003. I had given birth to our first son just two days before on April 29th. And now, our nurse was giving us discharge instructions and preparing to send us home. Her instrucions included care for me, follow up appointments, umbilical care, and several other things that would be helpful over the next couple of weeks, but then what? What about the next five, ten, fifteen years? When she cut our hospital bracelets off and sent us on our way, I remember thinking, and even saying to Jeremy, “They’re just going to let us go? Shouldn’t we get a how-to manual or something?” After all, I’d received more information and pamphlets with our new camera, than I did with this precious human life entrusted to us forever.


Owen Griffin at 4 days old.

That day must have been when my worry wart ways and over protectiveness kicked in as I sat in the backseat of our car with Owen, watching his every breath as he slept, and repeating over and over to Jeremy, “Can you believe he’s ours?”
After five days of being settled at home, I can remember so clearly looking at Owen, and feeling an overwhelming amount of sadness in realizing he was already a week old. Then it dawned on me that as quickly as a week had passed, so would a month and a year, and then five years and ten.

And it did…. last month Owen turned ten. Over the past decade, there have been many times I wish I had that how-to manual. I’m sure it would be tattered and torn by now. With highlighter in many sections including how to calm an infant who hates being strapped in a carseat. He would scream the entire car ride. The corners would be turned down on the pages explaining how to get your six month old nursing baby to take a bottle.  I never did figure that one out.

Owen's 10th Birthday

This morning Owen woke up and headed outside to let the chickens out of their coop like he does so willingly every morning. Then he came inside and asked if he could make his brother and sister chocolate chip muffins all by himself. I watched him pour the batter and the milk. Then I watched him help his little sister put foil liners in the muffin tin. When the muffins were ready, the kids sat down to eat, Owen reminded Ava that it was her turn to ask the blessing over the food, and I lost it. Yes, it hit me just like that. Even without a manual, that little newborn has grown into such an independent, caring, and helpful little guy. I stood there in tears thanking God for blessing us with Owen, and praying blessings over his next ten years…
Lo, children are a heritage of the LORD: and the fruit of the womb is his reward.  Psalm 127:3

Love Conquers All

I have to admit, these last few weeks I’ve felt discouraged, saddened, and frustrated. It seems like every time I turn around I hear about another couple separating or getting divorced. When I hear something like this, my heart literally aches. My mind wonders if anyone takes their marriage vows seriously anymore. Do couples realize what they’re actually saying when the words, “For better or for worse” come across their lips? Or is it just part of the script, words repeated out of tradition, with no real meaning behind them?

Twelve years ago, I said those words. I don’t think at the time I realized the magnitude of what I was saying. I just knew that I was in love, and naively thought that I would have a near perfect marriage, because God had given me what I felt was a near perfect man. A Christian man who loved me unconditionally. I was nineteen on our wedding day, and looking back, I realize just how immature I was concerning marriage. Are you ready for this? When I would hear someone say, “Marriage isn’t easy, it takes work.” I honestly remember thinking, “Not our marriage. We don’t have to work at it, because we love each other so much.”

Thankfully, I’ve come to realize just what those people meant by “working at a marriage.” I’ve learned so much over the last twelve years. I’ve learned the importance of realizing and admitting when I’m wrong, and the importance of letting the little things go. I’ve learned that God gives me strength when my husband is weak, and vice versa, and the importance of lifting each other up in these times. I’ve realized that for a marriage to work and be all that it’s meant to be, it has to be rooted in Christ. Most importantly, I’ve realized that on July 15, 2000, I didn’t just get a new last name, and permission to live with my best friend. I made a promise before God. I became one with this man who I pledged to love unconditionally. I promised to stand by his side no matter what may come our way. It hasn’t always been easy, but the payoff of sticking it out and working through the tough times far outweighs the tough times themselves.

When we experience a trial or hard time in other areas of our lives; we acknowledge that in the end it will make us a stronger person. We take comfort in knowing that if we’ll just endure and have faith we’ll come out stronger on the other side. But when our marriage comes up against a hard time, we’re so quick to give up, or take the so called “easy way out”. Does God not call us to love others as Christ loves us? (John 13:34) He loved us so much that he suffered and died in an agonizing and humiliating way. This scripture speaks volumes to just how much we are to love others, especially our spouses! It’s easy to place blame on our spouse, and feel that we don’t deserve whatever it is we’re going through. But you see it’s not about what we deserve or don’t deserve. It’s not about who’s right and who’s wrong. It’s not about keeping score, or who has been worse. It’s about honoring our vows. It’s about loving our spouse when they’re unlovable. Why? Because we made a vow we would. It’s about making a decision to show love even when we don’t “feel” like it. Love is a choice.

The bible tells us that through marriage,a husband and wife become one flesh. (Mark 10:8) This isn’t just a physical thing made evident by a marriage license. It’s a spiritual joining by God, and no attorney or bill of divorcement can undo that. Today, couples give up on their marriages too soon. They don’t make every effort to save it. I know that God can restore even the most hopeless and broken marriages.

My hope and prayer is that someone considering divorce will read this blog, and have a change of heart. I pray they’ll realize that there is absolutely no truth to divorce being the easy way out. I hope they’ll seek God and give him complete and total control over their heart, spouse, and marriage. I hope they’ll learn to love their spouse unconditionally, and that their marriage comes out on the other side stronger and better than ever!

Happy Birthday Ava!

      



Pure sweetness....four days old.



Today my sweet Ava turns four!  I'll never forget the first time I saw her...and the pure joy I felt. She was just as beautiful as her two big brothers, and this time I got to take advantage of all that hair!  I remember our first few weeks home I kept referring to her as "bud" or "bubby", because I was just so use to talking to my boys. It took me a while, but I finally replaced it with "sweetie" or "princess".

Ava at her 1st, 2nd, and 3rd
birthday party.

      

I'm in awe at her imagination, wit, and independence.  She loves to dance, sing, draw, and help me bake, but is always willing to play ninja turtles or tag with her brothers. She's eager to pray when prayer is needed, and is constantly making up sweet little songs about Jesus. She can aggravate her brothers to no end, but still has them both wrapped around her little finger. She loves to sleep in, but refuses naps. She can be stubborn, especially when she's tired. She insist on helping Jeremy and me with whatever we're doing, rather it's mopping the floor or changing a flat tire. She's a quick learner, and very determined.  She can be in a room for five minutes and it looks like a tornado's hit. She's by far, messier than her two brothers combined.  Her favorite color is pink, but she's not afraid of bugs or dirt! She's our one-of-a-kind sweet girl, and I'm so excited to make today extra special for her. I love you Ava Grace, Happy Birthday!



                                                                      

My Heart's Desire

Let's forget about ourselves, magnify the Lord and worship him. Let's forget about ourselves, magnify the Lord and worship him. Let's forget about ourselves magnify the Lord and worship Christ the King. Worship him, Jesus Christ the Lord.

I remember singing this song as a little girl.... This morning I woke up with it on my heart. It was no surprise, since this is exactly what the Lord has been dealing with me about over the past two weeks. I can't help but wonder how many Christians, including myself, are so busy with everyday life, work, school, running the kids here and there, overplanning, watching television, checking facebook, and trying to please everyone around them, that before they know it, they haven't taken any time out of their day to worship him.

I can feel God working on me in such a huge way, and it's exciting! Things I once ignored or made excuses for, I'm fully embracing. I'm finally learning to give up things that I used to hold onto like a child clenching his favorite toy. It's just not worth it. We've all heard the saying, "Actions speak louder than words." We can take our children to church, teach them to pray, and tell them bible stories. We can even voice that Jesus is the most important thing in life. But if they don't see evidence of this, then what are we really teaching them? We're sending a mixed message, and raising a generation that will never know the grace, peace, joy and love that a relationship with Jesus offers.

I want my children to see their parents pray, worship, help the sick, poor and lost. I want them to see us put Jesus first, others second, and ourselves last. I want them to know that religion is not the same thing as having a heart to heart relationship with Jesus, and most importantly I want them to truly understand that this life is but a vapor, and before we know it every materialistic thing we've worked towards on this earth will be gone, and we'll be left facing our maker and eternity. 

Selfish People

There's only one word to express how I felt tonight as I drove home from a get-together with some old church friends......Frustrated! Not what you were expecting? Me either.  My frustration stemmed from two particular people there. They were being selfish, needy, clingy, and were both terrible about interrupting me every time I would try to have a conversation with someone! The worst part..... when I left things didn't get any better, because those two people were in the back seat of my van the whole way home! Yep, you guessed it, those two people were my youngest two children.

I had been looking forward to tonight for several weeks. Getting to talk to people who I had gone to church with as a little girl, getting to listen to them sing gospel music and just enjoy every one's company. But instead, I was poked at every few minutes, "Mommy, come play shadow tag with me" "Mommy, I want another hot dog." Mommy, hold this for me", "Mommy, I need to go pee." You get the picture. I'm sure my patience was running thin quicker than usual because I was tired, and Jeremy wasn't there to ease the burden of two of them coming at me at once.

After about two hours, I finally decided it was time to leave.  I loaded them up in the van only to realize that Jameson had left one of his drawings inside. I went back to get it, but couldn't find it.  I knew, of course, this would mean whining on the way home. Sadly, I was right.

My thoughts on the way home...."Why did I even bother going?" "Surely, no one else's kids are THIS clingy and whiny." "Why again, do I home school, and subject myself to being with my children 24/7?"
The kids grew quiet in the backseat, and I could tell they were drifting off. I knew I was in desperate need of some Jesus time, and I just began to pray and cry, and pray some more.

And then, like it always does, it hit me. It was me, not my kids. I was the one being selfish. I wanted to have my time to talk and catch up without interruption. My kids saw hot dogs and smores, and a fire, and of course wanted some. They only knew a few people there, and so of course they would cling to me, I'm their safe place. Looking back on the night, they really weren't that demanding, at least not for a 3 and 6 year old. I started to reflect on the night. It was good to see everyone, some that I hadn't seen in more than 10 years. I got to talk to a sweet young mom and hold her precious baby boy. Her husband is in Afghanistan right now serving our country. She shared with me what it is like having to live so far away from the one you love. I started to pray for her and her little family. It wasn't long before the frustration was gone and replaced with thankfulness.

I pulled into our driveway, and got the kids inside to get them ready for bed. Jameson asked if I would help him brush his teeth, because he was just too tired. I said sure, and he replied, "Mom, I'm so lucky I have you for a Mom." If only he knew.... I'm the lucky one:)

The Ups and Downs of Homeschooling

This week is spring break for our family, which means I finally get some time to update everyone on our homeschooling adventure. Things have been busy to say the least!
The first two weeks of our journey were absolutely blissful. Everything went according to plan. I was organized, ahead of schedule, full of excitement and creative ideas. I was even able to keep my house "mostly" clean, while homeschooling, working one day a week, and caring for Jameson after his surgery.
Somewhere during our third week, things changed. They got hard. Nothing I couldn't handle, but we definitely weren't in that blissful place anymore. I was falling behind on my charting at work, and didn't have time to even think about my Thirty-one business! I felt overwhelmed, and began to lose patience with Owen during school. Heck, who am I kidding! I began to lose patience with all three of my kids, and my husband most of the time. I had so many "irons in the fire" as they say, and felt like each area of my life was getting just enough of my time that it didn't completely fall apart.
There were still good days when I felt like I had it all together, but then just like that, I'd be back to being behind and overwhelmed. I knew something had to change, and deep down, I knew that something was me!
I was putting so much time and effort into things that just really didn't matter, that it was leaving me exhausted and unable to put 100% into the things that did. The first thing I did was cut down on the number of visits I did for the health department each week. I had started out with six families which made for a really long work day. I gave up three, cutting my work day and my stress in half.
Next, I finally stopped stressing about keeping a clean and organized house! Yep, we've been living in filthy chaos the past two months. (Okay, not really, but compared to before.......you know what I mean)
Finally, I've had to learn how to "go with the flow" so to speak. This has been the hardest change to make, but also the most rewarding. I was getting so caught up in getting through my lesson plans, that I was forgetting about all of the reasons I was excited about homeschooling in the first place! If Owen is on a roll in science, I won't stop him, just because my schedule says it's time to start math. If this means we dedicate half a day to learning about the solar system or sharks, then that's just what we'll do.
At first we were doing spelling four days a week, and then having a test Friday morning before I went to work. Why? Because that's what the lesson plan said, of course! Never mind the fact that Owen has always been a great speller. He can see a word one time, and never forget how to spell it, and yet I was spending 20 minutes a day going over words that he knew the first day! Talk about wasting time. Now we do our spelling three mornings a week in the van while I'm taking Jameson to preschool.
I have to say my favorite part of homeschooling is being able to teach from a christian-based curriculum. We've spent weeks learning about all the aspects of physical health in health class. Last week we finished up our last chapter, which was all about spiritual health. The curriculum enforced what Jeremy and I had already been teaching the kids. We must pray and read the word everyday to grow spiritually, and that this directly impacts our mental and physical health. I love the fact that everything he is being taught, has scripture and Godly principles placed throughout it!
I'm still working on getting out of the "traditional school" mindset, and replacing it with what works for Owen, and our family. And I'm finding that the more I can do that, the more Owen learns, and the happier we both are in the process!

Sickness, Surgery, and Homeschool.

Monday was our first official day of homeschooling. Unfortunatley, it did not go according to plan. I had everything ready. After hours of looking online and talking with other moms who homeschool, I finally decided on and ordered curriculum. I spent several days transforming a bedroom into our classroom. I was ecstatic when my father-in-law brought us three school desk that had been Jeremy's and his two brothers when they were kids.

I filled out the necessary paperwork at the Board of Education, and Friday I picked Owen up from his last day at Wayland. I had to fight back tears when his classmates swarmed his desk to help him clean out the mess of bent papers and books that had no doubt been accumulating since August. It was the first time I had really doubted my decision. Seeing all of his friends hug him and tell him how much they would miss him. Hearing a couple of them whisper to him, "Tell your Mom you want to stay".

As we walked down the hall to leave, I could sense there was something weighing heavily on Owen, and it wasn't just the backpack that we had just stuffed full. I asked him if he felt sad. His reply, "Yeah, I'm a little sad. I'll miss my friends, but I'm more excited than anything." The doubt faded, and I was at peace again.

I couldn't wait for Monday morning! I was like a kid awaiting the arrival of Christmas! Then Sunday night happened. The storms kept me up til 1 am. I had finally drifted off, when I heard Ava. She was at the top of the stairs screaming for her Daddy. Jeremy went up to get her. He took her to use the bathroom, and then brought her to me, and explained that she cried and said it hurt when she tried to go. The rest of the night, I was up every 30 minutes to an hour taking her to the bathroom, refilling her sippy cup with cranberry juice, and googling home remedies for urinary tract infections. I wanted to cry because I knew how miserable she was, and because I knew I would be trading in my morning lesson plans for a trip to the pediatricians office.

We dropped Jameson off at preschool at 8:30 and headed to Owensboro. We were done by 10:40, including getting her antibiotic filled and stopping to get gas. We rushed home, ate lunch, and finally got started on school at noon.

We completed our daily lessons in math, reading, spelling, geography, and health, and finished our school day by 2:30! My friends who homeschool had mentioned how much shorter the school days would be compared to public school, but I was still shocked! Pleasantly shocked!

Yesterday, Jameson was scheduled for surgery to have his adenoids removed, so we didn't even get started on school until 4:00. I'm one of these people that love to be on a schedule. I need structure and a "to do" list to survive, but it's great to know that homeschooling is flexible and when unexpected things come up, it's not a big deal. Owen doesn't have to miss school, we simply reschedule for a better time.

So far, even with the challenges that came with our first couple of days, I am absolutely loving teaching my son! I find so much joy in watching him learn and figure things out, and I'm learning quite a bit in the process too!

Change is Good..... I Can Do This!

Our family is about to make a big change! After much prayer, thought, doubt, and tears, we've decided to start homeschooling our children. It wasn't an easy decision. It should have been, because I've felt called to homeschool for about two years now.
Well, let me start from the beginning. I grew up in the public school systems, and so when I had children, it was just a given that they would also. I never considered homeschooling. I knew several people, including family and friends, who provided their own children's education, but still never considered it for my kids.
Owen attended a christian pre-school, and then started kindergarten at Wayland. When he was in first grade, I remember sending him to school one day and feeling an overwhelming sense of guilt about sending him away for seven hours a day, five days a week. This was my precious child that God entrusted me to raise and teach, and I'm sending him to a place to be taught by people I barely know! Don't get me wrong. We love Wayland, and Owen has been fortunate enough to have great teachers every school year. The problem is, no matter how great a teacher is, no one cares about my child or his education more than me!
The thought of homeschooling crossed my mind, but didn't seem realistic. I mentioned it to Jeremy, and I knew right away that it wouldn't work. He had a lot of misconceptions about kids who were homeschooled, the same ones I had heard for years.
Over the next year and a half, every time I would think about homeschooling, I would push the thought away. I would tell myself that Owen would be fine going to public schools, I mean look at all the children who do. I also knew that without my husbands support, it wouldn't work. Then there was the fear of me failing. But at the same time I knew that anything God called me to do, he would help me through, and make it a huge success!
This past summer, an old friend of mine, and a couple in our church decided to start homeschooling. Around the same time, I started praying hard that if God wanted us to homeschool, that he would show Jeremy, and that he would give me the courage to take such a huge leap of faith.
Owen started third grade this past fall. I still felt the guilt on a daily basis. When God calls you to do something, you won't be happy or fulfilled until you obey him. I know this, and I've experienced it in other areas of my life. So, I knew it would be the same way concerning this issue, and yet I resisted. The main reason being that I needed my husband behind me supporting me and cheering me on.
Last week I ran into a girl I went to high school with who homeschools her two boys. Sunday morning before church I was telling Jeremy about it. My prayers from the last six months were finally answered when Jeremy told me that if I felt called to homeschool that he would support me!
At first I felt excitement, but that quickly turned to fear. Fear of the unknown, fear of failing. I had so many questions! Which curriculum? Can I still work one day a week, or do I need to quit my job? How do I start? Do I wait until next school year, or start now?
I'm so thankful that I have a couple of great friends who have been there to answer these questions and help support me!
Monday afternoon I was cooking dinner, and I began to to thank God for answering my prayers. The guilt and doubt that I'd felt for so long was gone, just like that! And in it's place was an overwhelming peace and joy! I couldn't stop crying! It's a great feeling to know that you are finally doing his will and not your own!
I am so thankful that God has called me to teach my children. I know it's not going to be easy, and I'm sure there will be days when I doubt myself, but I'll stand firm on his promises, knowing this is the right thing for our family.

They'll be Grown before you Know it.

If you're a parent, you've probably heard someone say to you at least once, "Enjoy these times with your little ones, they'll be grown before you know it." I've always known how true this is, but sometimes it just sinks in more than others. This morning was one of those times.
Owen will be nine in April. Nine years old! It seems like just yesterday, we were outside swinging him in his baby swing. Jameson will start kindergarten this fall, and Ava, my baby, just turned three. I've been so busy, and consumed the past 9 years with being pregnant, nursing, changing diapers, potty training and chasing toddlers, that I didn't really take time to think about how different life would be when all of that was over.
This morning I was lying in bed watching cartoons with Jameson and Ava, and it hit me all of a sudden just how fast these precious first years are flying by. As much as I wish I could at times, I can't make them quit growing, or freeze time. All I can do is step back, slow down, and take it all in. I know they'll be grown before I know it, which is why I'll be sure to listen even more intently when Jameson tells me a story about what happened at preschool, or wants to share with me what he dreamed last night. I'll read that book, and work the princess puzzle "just one more time" when Ava ask for the 10th time. And I'll be sure to appreciate Owen's wit and sense of humor, and always be there whenever any of my three children need me.

Passion

What are you passionate about? I mean really passionate about? Passion is defined as any powerful or compelling emotion or feeling. Our pastor spoke about passion today, and how our relationship with God must be out of passion and not just out of habit. It really made me think. I've been there. There have been times that I've gotten up on Sunday mornings simply because I knew it was the right thing to do. Because I knew that my children needed that foundation in order to grow up and be the stong Christians that I pray everyday they will be. I don't want that to ever be the case again. People say it's hard to break a habit, but I can tell you it's much easier to break a habit, than it is to break something you're truly passionate about. You know how sometimes you can hear something a thousand times, but then all of a sudden you hear it again, and it seems brand new? I had that happen today. I know that God sent his son Jesus to die on the cross for me. I've heard it since I was a little girl, but today when our pastor made reference to his own son, and how as a parent you always have you're childs best interest at heart, and you're job is to protect them no matter what. It really hit me again just how much God loves us. I thought of Owen, and how I couldn't imagine having to watch him suffer and be tormented the way Jesus was. Every fiber of my being would be ready to jump up and save him. But you see, my mindset, our mindset is so often not an eternal mindset. I pray everyday that God will help me to have an eternal mindset. I used to get so caught up in the here and now, and would be so passionate about things that didn't really matter in the grand scheme of things. Having an eternal mindset really is a remarkable thing, you should try it. I promise you'll have less stress and worry in your life, and less arguments with your spouse:) It makes you realize that there's a much bigger picture than just your little life and your little family. Don't get me wrong it's not always easy, there are still times when I start to get worked up about something, and I have to remind myself that I'm wasting my passion on something so unimportant, when there are so many extremely important things that I need to direct some passion towards!

Things that Make Me Smile.........

A list of simple things that make me smile, no matter how bad of a day I might be having.

From morning to bedtime........

Waking up to the smell of coffee that my wonderful husband has started:)

Seeing Jameson run down the hall with that huge grin on his face right after hopping out of bed, he's a morning person all the way! (complete opposite of me)

The smell of gain laundry detergent:)

Recieving a text or call from Jeremy. Especially the one around 4:30 that says he's on his way home:)

Listening to Ava's play phone conversations. She loves calling Daddy, Nana and Miss Becky. Last week she called Jesus:)

Snuggling up in my bed to watch a movie with Jameson while Ava naps.
(of course we usually end up napping too)

Hearing the school bus pull up, followed by seeing my handsome soon to be 8 year old come in the back door:)

Watching Jameson run up and hug Owen after missing him all day:)

Seeing all three kids run up to Jeremy screaming, "Daddy" when he walks in the door.

Seeing Jeremy walk in the door;)

Anytime Jameson refers to Owen as his "buddy" or tells Ava that she is "precious":)

When Ava grabs my cheeks and says "chubby cheeks, chubby cheeks" in her silly voice. She started this a few weeks ago, and we laughed, so now it's a daily thing:)

I'm sure there are many more, but these are just a few that really stand out, and always put a smile on my face!

Always late but thankful!

So I'm a couple of days late blogging about all the wonderful things I'm thankful for. No surprise there. It seems no matter how hard I try to get things done on time, or be on time, I'm still late. Trust me, it hasn't always been this way. I can vaguely remember a time before kids when I was always early! Boy does that seem like a lifetime ago!
Jameson had his four year check-up last week, and I was twenty minutes late! I'm blaming this one on the nice man at Chase though. For once I was early, twenty minutes early to be exact. So, I thought instead of sitting in Owensboro Pediatrics waiting for twenty minutes, I would try to squeeze in a quick run. If you know me at all, you know that I always think I can squeeze in way more than humanly possible. Anyway, I've been needing to open a new checking account for my Thirty-one business, so I called and spoke with this very nice man at Chase. He assured me that he could get a new account opened in 10-15 minutes. I warned him I had a two and four year old with me, and had to be at the Dr.'s office by 10:45. He assured me I'd be done in time. Thirty minutes later, I'm rushing out the door, calling Owensboro Pediatrics begging them to let me keep Jameson's appointment. They informed me that they had a new policy that stated if anyone is more than 15 minutes late, they must reschedule. Well, I must have sounded desperate, because they saw him. This I am very thankful for!
Sometimes I try to remember back to before we had kids. I try to remember what it was like to be early or just on time. I try to remember what it was like to just get myself ready, without packing an array of snacks, toys and sippy cups. I try to remember what it was like to sit down and have a meal without wiping mouths, hands, noses, and taking several potty breaks. I remember that life was less chaotic then, but it was also a whole lot less fun!
This brings me to the part of what I'm thankful for. I am so thankful that the Lord blessed Jeremy and me with three wonderful, healthy kids. I love watching them explore and learn new things. I love watching them grow even though it happens way too fast! I love waking up every single day and spending time with them. I may be late everywhere I go, and life may be very chaotic at times, but I wouldn't trade it for anything!!

Jameson Cole

My baby boy is turning four a month from tomorrow. I hate how fast they grow up, but at he same time, I'm looking forward to him turning four, and hoping it's a much better year for us then the last two. From birth to about 2 years old, he was so easy and good. Then a couple of months before he turned two, he threw his first tantrum! I was four months pregnant with Ava, and thought, "What have I gotten myself into?!" Somedays he would throw up to 8 tantrums a day, and I'm talking about throwing himself in the floor and kicking and screaming. Then when he was a little older, he started whining. This was new territory for us. Owen, my oldest, could always be reasoned with, never whined, and might have thrown a fit now and then as a toddler, but nothing like this.

So, for two years now, we've tried everything to stop his tantrums. I've even got on the floor and thrown one myself, trying to show him how ridiculous it looked. He stopped for a second, and then decided he needed to scream louder to drown out my tantrum. I can't tell you how many times I've prayed about this, and wondered what are we doing wrong. There have been times I've dreaded going out in public, when he was in one of his moods. Thankfully, over time, I've learned what triggers his tantrums, and now can pretty much stop them before they start . He still has his days where he might have a meltdown, but most days, he does great.

Okay, so now I get to brag about all of his good qualities. The reasons that even when he was throwing his worst fit, I didn't send him to Nana's to live (just kidding). Jameson has always been so compassionate. If he sees someone hurt or upset, he has to check on them, and try to make them feel better. He gives the best hugs and kisses and is never stingy with them! He has a wonderful imagination, and can sit and play with a gumball machine toy for hours. He's always been great about sharing, and making friends. Anytime we see a kid his age out somewhere, he waves and introduces himself. He is so smart. He's been reading ( 3 letter words) since about 3 1/2. He has a great sense of humor, and keeps us laughing!

I can't wait for the fits and whining to be behind us for good, but will definately miss him being three and all the cute things he did!

From Blah to Blessings.

I'm just having one of those blah mornings. I did not get enough sleep, and I wasn't ready to get up this morning. I worked last night. My shift ends at eleven o'clock, but by the time I give report, and finish charting, I usually don't leave until around 11:30, or midnight, or ......... you get the picture. However, last night was an unusually great night. I gave report a little early and was clocked out and headed to Wal-mart by 11:05. Yes, you read it right, going to Wal-mart. I decided after much debate that it was worth staying up later, not to have to drag three kids out today to go grocery shopping. An added bonus is all the weird things you get to see at Beaver Dam Walmart late at night. I forgot to look up and see if it was a full moon, but it must have been!
I didn't fall asleep until well after 1 am, and Jameson woke me up bright and early at 7:30, Judging from the pain I feel now, I must have slept on my left shoulder wrong. I made my coffee like every morning, but the filter folded over, and resulted in coffee grounds swimming in my cup. I've already had to referee several arguments between my boys. The biggest was over the back of a cereal box. It didn't matter that I thought I was being smart by sitting out two boxes, they both wanted to look at the back of the Honey Nut Cheerios.
Anyway it's 9:30 now, and enough complaining about the rough start to my day. I know it hasn't truly been a rough start, it's just my perception of it due to how exhausted I am. It's time to do what I aways do when I have mornings like this. I force my self to think positive, and count my blessings. I look at my three, sometimes difficult, but nonetheless precious children and I pray very very hard that all three them will take a very long nap today, so that I can get one too!

Prayer by Jeremy Handley

First, I want to thank my Jesus for the wonderful family he has given me. My wife is the light of my life second to God, and my children bring me so much joy each and every day. I have been trying the scripture today. The Bible says to pray without ceasing. Most people think that means to pray all day, but that is hardly the case. Don't get me wrong, we have to pray every day, but I believe what God meant by this is to be in tune with him and listen for his voice all day long. If we will die to ourselves each day and listen to the voice of God, he will begin to give us powerful words for others, words that will surely set them free and draw them to Christ. I encourage you all to try this out. It is free, and it just might change your life, and add people to the Kingdom of God in the process!!!